August 11, 2017: Ugh.

There once was a hack named Hannity
who offset having just an itty
gross fetid dingus
by stoking right wingus
to believe in his hoax-filled insanity.

In Which I Don't Go for the Obvious Rhyme; I Could Have Called This One "I Hate Huckabees" but I Don't Hate Them, Not Hate-Hate

There once was an Arkansan bassist,
whose com'dy was frankly the basest.
He gave up his faith
t'give his child a plathe
working for the Great Orange Racist.

Leaked Excerpt from the Working Screenplay of the Steve Bannon Reboot of The Ten Commandments

GOD

And finally, thou shalt not covet. Write this down. "Thou shalt not covet thy neighbor's house. Thou shalt not covet thy neighbor's wife, or his male or female servant—"

MOSES

One sec. A point of clarification if you will.

GOD

Yes?

MOSES

When you say covet . . . .

MOSES reads from his tablet.

MOSES

When you say, and I quote, "Thou shalt not covet thy neighbor's wife," specifically, my question is, is it OK if we just grab her by the pussy?

GOD

That's a great question. I'm glad thou asked. Yes, yes, it's OK if thou grabbest thy neighbor's wife by the pussy, thou can even go so far as to move on thy neighbor's wife like a bitch, as long as thou dost not covet her.

MOSES

Thanks.

GOD

Shall I continue?

MOSES

More like cuntinue am I right?!

FADE TO OBLIVION.

A Villanelle for Day-Drinkers

Do not settle for a Pepsi or Sprite.
Corn syrup can’t fizz your troubles away.
Day drinking sets all your problems aright.

Next to a yapper on a twelve-hour flight?
When you get bumped by the beverage tray,
do not settle for a Pepsi or Sprite.

Suffering Bears fans whose team is a blight
do not despair over games in Green Bay.
Day drinking sets all your problems aright.

Good parents whose babies fight sleep all night
hit hard stuff like whiskey at breakfast; they
do not settle for a Pepsi or Sprite.

Your job’s a prison, your boss a smug shite?
Know, as you plot how to get through the day,
day drinking sets all your troubles aright.

Go get a real drink, just not one that’s lite.
Fuck what your neighbors or in-laws might say.
Do not settle for a Pepsi or Sprite.
Day drinking sets all your problems aright.