How Barack Banned Christmas

A FOX NEWS Christmas Tale

Every host
Down at Fox News
Liked Christmas a lot . . .

But Barack,
Who was never on Fox News,
Did NOT!

Barack hated Christmas! The whole Christmas season!
Which hosts at Fox News all regarded as treason.
It could be, they hinted, that his head’s not on right.
It could be he hates Christmas cuz he’s not White.
Aha!, said the hosts. He’s an Atheist or ‘e
Is MUSLIM—O Glory—we just broke the story!

Whatever the reason,
His skin or his views,
He stood there on Christmas Eve, hating Fox News.
“I need a plan,” he said, “to ban Christmas so
I’ll hang pretty lights and I’ll hang mistletoe!
I’ll say Merry Christmas—I won’t say Holidays!
I’ll say Merry Christmas in so many ways!
MERRY Christmas! And so it don’t sound like mockings
I’ll say it while hanging up Christmas-y stockings!
I’ll say it on TV! To improve the optics
I’ll say it to Christians from Baptists to Coptics!”

The Fox Newsian hosts knew his plan was a ploy,
A dastardly plot for Barack to deploy
Liberal agendas such as Death Panels and . . .
A BAN on Christmas in this Christian-y land.
“Not,” said the Foxer who got paid the most highly,
“On my watch,” proclaimed the great great Bill O’Reilly.
That night while good children did dream in their beds
Of opening up toy guns to shoot pretend Reds
Bill O’Reilly was plotting a plot of his own,
A plot to save Christmas, which O’Reilly alone
Of ALL of mankind could hope to ever ever
Achieve or accomplish or even endeavor.

And so to save Christmas from anti-God PC
Culture he flew in his jet down to DC.
He sneaked into the White House, with its phony cheer,
And said, “No, sir. Not here. No no NO! Not this year!”
And then he enacted his masterful plan,
A plan to discover Barack’s Holy Quran!
He looked in the cupboards, he looked in the drawers,
He looked in the bathrooms while down on all fours.
He looked inside offices round, square, and oval.
He was tiring and bored and growing less hopeval,
But then from outside and just all of a sudden
He heard a loud BUMP and a CRASH and a THUD in
The famously famous and rosy Rose Garden.
His nerve he did steel and his heart he did harden—
He looked, he saw, lying there in red pajama
S, Mr. Barack Hussein “Osama” OBAMA!
However, Bill learned, when he looked a bit closer,
That Christmas-hater was a Santa Claus poseur.
Obama looked up and said, “Oh, hey there, Billy.
Lend me a hand up. I sure do feel silly.
I was trying to climb down with this sack of presents.
I’m ever so grateful for your Foxy presence.”
Bill O’Reilly was outraged, and irked, mad, and vexed!
If this travesty stood—O good Lord! O what next?
This was mater’al for his next No-Spin rant, a—
Who’d ever have thunk it?—a damn BLACK man Santa?!
Bill flew from the White House in righteous ‘dignation
And flew back to New York to inform the nation
That Christmas was ruined and forever tarnished.
He spoke with a truth raw and real and unvarnished.
So Christmas was canceled, so Barack got his ban,
But Jesus came down and He installed a White Man
Back inside the White House, thus returning honor
To this re-great country. Barack . . . was a goner.

Bill was a hero, but he came out a victim,
For PC enforcers fought back and they licked ‘im.
They invented the rusiest, sleaziest ruse
To gotcha O’Reilly, get him BANNED from Fox News
By spreading—NO not cheer, but cruel yet true tales
Of harassment by Bill and his owner, Rog Ailes.

O’Reilly’s forgotten, might even be dead now—
Shhhhhh! White Santa’s coming so get off to bed now!
Give thanks to who vanquished that Barack-ly Grumpus,

MERRY CHRISTMAS TO ALL! (‘cept for Muslims and gays,
Dems, fems, and heathens who say Happy Holidays).
But to conservytive Christians—and certain Jews—
Merry MERRY Christmas from your friends at Fox News!

©Alan Good 2017