"The news couldn't get more depressing,"
she said as she started undressing.
's unfair to him!"
And Emily* started redressing.
*Emily (not her real name) canceled her Tinder account in the taxi (that's right, a taxi, a taxi not an Uber because "Emily's" not a fucking tool) on the way home. The next day she met a man, an actual man, in real life, at a bookstore (not Barnes & Noble or one of those fucking Amazon monstrosities but a real fucking bookstore), and they soon fell in love. Due to her near-fuck with a Trump supporter she was unable to engage in physical love with her new boyfriend for nearly eight months. She tried, Lord knows she tried, but as soon as she started to undress she'd be racked with stomach cramps and overcome with nausea and rage. Her doctor informed her she suffered from AFATS, or Almost Fucked A Trumper Syndrome. AFATS is a serious condition affecting hundreds, possibly thousands depending on how drunk they were, men and women across the globe. Emily was lucky. Through hard work, intense therapy, and the support of her family and friends she was able to overcome her Trumper-induced aversion to sex. She also became involved in the movement to require so-called Shadow Trumpers to make their affiliations known before pursuing potential romantic relationships and is rightfully regarded as a hero. Morality, if not always the law, demands that people who have HIV/AIDS disclose their status to potential sexual partners; the same holds true for those suffering from Trumpism.