Magiography: Buff Dick God

Note: This profile in ass-kissing was originally published on September 18, 2017, in a different section of the website. I've moved it here to make room for other stuff.

Ben Garrison made this picture. Think about that the next time you do something stupid. You'll feel better immediately.

Ben Garrison made this picture. Think about that the next time you do something stupid. You'll feel better immediately.

Here's my caption: "You're a 10. It's time to let God into your heart. Or your mouth. Your mouth works too."

I don't need to mess with much analysis; I mainly just want to make fun of this shit. If you want analysis, try this: https://www.somethingawful.com/feature-articles/ben-garrison-explained/.

The picture above is a screenshot; I'm having trouble finding the original cartoon on Ben Garrison's website, but I will update if I ever track it down. The point is that God is in Trump's junk. Or Trump wears a Speedo with the word "God" on it. If Trump's dick is God, then what happens when Trump dies? Is God dead again then? Is Old Testament God hard and New Testy God limp? So many questions!

Garrison has made some bizarre Trump-worshipping cartoons, but what fascinates me about this image is that if I could draw I would make this exact cartoon as a parody of the way Trump people view their magnificent leader, as a way to say they care very little about policy, they mainly just want a buff dick god who will tell everybody what to do. (Everybody except them.) Liberals are too free sometimes with the Fascism label, but Trump is clearly an authoritarian figure and his sycophantic supporters clearly want an authoritarian figure, a strong man who will protect them and come in their mouths. They don't see Trump as a person but as a god, and his pudgy earthly form is just an illusion, and only true believers can see his true Herculean physique. Such would be the implications of my caricature; yet here is Garrison presenting what I would intend as mean-spirited parody of Trumpers as his earnest view of Trump. See, I would be saying, this is what Trump looks like to these fucking people; see, says Garrison, this is what Trump looks like to me.

For the record, this is what Trump looks like:

I ripped this image off the website Know Your Meme: http://knowyourmeme.com/photos/1270036-donald-trumps-tennis-photo. 

I ripped this image off the website Know Your Meme: http://knowyourmeme.com/photos/1270036-donald-trumps-tennis-photo

I try not to make fun of people's weight or bodies, but since the cartoon is so much about Trump's body, I have to point out that he is not in great shape. He's certainly not ripped. If Trump is your image of masculinity, I think you should Google William Howard Taft. 

Two things I love about this cartoon: the detail of Trump's glutes, and that heterosexuality and truth are in Trump's armpits.

I liked Obama well enough, but I never thought he was some dick-god savior. He was the best president of my lifetime, but I've lived through some duds. I'm also aware of his flaws and failures. I've got it easy now, since I'm more comfortable in opposition, so it's easy for me to say that if Hillary Clinton was president I wouldn't be running around saying "Rah-rah Hillary, she of the mystical vagina which has the power to destroy racism and John Birch paranoia," but I'm pretty sure I wouldn't be doing that. I hate hero worship in all forms, but I especially hate it when the hero being worshipped is a special level of piece of shit. Maybe I'm stupid, but I've always thought political cartoons are supposed to be satirical, not public brown-nosing.

I've never felt so useless. My only skill is in making fun of people, and every time I come across another person who is just a human caricature I become less relevant.

©Alan Good 2017