Episode 3: Policy Wonk

This one's from October 11, 2016, and it's probably still my favorite.

"I know you think she's a lyin' bitch who needs to be raped in prison because I can read your t-shirt, but can you tell me a specific policy position of Hillary's with which you disagree, that you think will be harmful to the U.S.?"

"She's corrupt."

"But that's not a policy position, it's a character slam that her detractors throw at her. I mean, a Trump supporter saying Hillary Clinton is unsuitable to be president because she's corrupt—surely you can see the irony in that?"


"That's right, you can't. Sorry. But one policy position that you disagree with?"

"Can you? Can you tell me one policy position of Trump's you disagree with? Cause all I hear you people saying is racist, racist, pussy-grabber."

"Trump has stated multiple times that torture works, that he supports torture and would like to bring it back into use. Torture is against my personal values, but it's also against international law and stands in direct conflict with American laws and values. I know it's hard for you to believe because I don't have an American flag sprouting out of my butt, but I take being an American very seriously. I'm not proud of being an American because it wasn't an accomplishment, I was just born into it. But beyond morality and law, we know torture isn't effective, except as a propaganda tool used by terrorists to recruit more terrorists."

"Pretty words, but they're just words. I hear these words, but they're just words."

"So I've given you a specific policy of Trump's that I disagree with and that I am certain would be harmful to the U.S. Your turn."

"She wants to abolish the Second Amendment."

"But that's not true. She favors certain types of gun control, but she doesn't want to abolish the Second Amendment. And if she did she couldn't. A president can't change the Constitution. This is my fault because I wasn't specific enough: can you name one actual policy position with which you disagree?"

"She's a demon."

"Again, not true, but also not a policy."

"Demonology. It is true. She's a demon and her policy is to hand control of the U.S. government to Satan himself so he can launch a nuclear attack on God."

"Where did you even come up with this?"

"We all knew it, we all had suspicions, but high-placed sources confirmed it to Alex Jones."

"High-placed sources? In the Clinton campaign?"

"No, high-placed sources. High-placed sources. Sources from the high place."

"You mean heaven?"

"Now you're getting it. You see, Hillary Clinton is the Anti-Christ."

"I thought you all believed Obama is the Anti-Christ."

"Nah, Obama's the Ante-Anti-Christ."

©Alan Good 2018