Episode 16: Independent Thinker

"The Far Left is driven by hatred and anger—we must counter it with optimism—"

"Hold up, you're just quoting the governor of Wisconsin. You're reading from a script."

"No I'm not. I'm an independent thinker. All my ideas are my own."

"I can see it. I can see the script."

"No you can't."

"Whatever. He's not completely wrong. I am angry. I do hate him. I do hate Trump. I don't know if I hate you, but I'm angry as fuck at you and all the chickenshit dumbasses who voted for Trump—or any Republican. I'm angry because I work hard, my wife works hard, to build a good future for our children, and you fuckers are working even harder to destroy that future. Johnson declared war on poverty. Reagan declared war on drugs. Trump has declared war on children."

"You're blinded by anger, libfuck. You can't even think straight. Why don't you give an example of how conservatives are destroying the future? Ha, you can't."

"We were taking action on climate change, probably not even enough, but at least our government acknowledged it and was trying to do something. Now the government denies the existence of climate change and is undoing what little progress we'd made. Trump is sabotaging my children's future, and yeah that makes me angry."

"Whatever, cuckhole, 'climate change' isn't even real so you're angry over nothing. You only believe in 'climate change,' or 'global warming,' because you've been told to believe in it by The Mainstream Media. If you were an independent thinker like me you'd know that there was a blizzard on the East coast this year so there's no such thing as 'global warming.' If anything—"

Bo turns the page.

"Hang on, I lost my spot. Bam, there it is: If anything, there's a global cooling."

"All of the major oil companies have known about global warming since the eighties and have spent millions of dollars on a decades-long disinformation campaign to downplay or discredit scientific information about global warming."

Bo runs his finger down the page until he finds what he's looking for.

"Global warming is just a hoax."

"Explain to me how ninety-nine percent of scientists accept global warming as a fact. They might disagree about what to do about it, but they believe in it."

Bo flips through his pages.

"Hang on. Hang on. Er, 'But her emails'—no. 'Job-killing regulations'—no. 'What about the babies?'—No. Bam, there it is: 'Ninety-nine percent of scientists are actually alien lizard people.' Suck it! Independent thinkers RUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUULE!"